My Published Works

Magazine Article published in Destiny Magazine, February 2012

Celebrating a decade in your life – making an accomplishment list
Written by Ishara Maharaj

With our increasingly busy lifestyles, it’s seldom that we can steal a quiet moment to reflect on life. Days turn into months, then years. Before we know it, a decade has flashed by. On those rare occasions of reflection, the first question that often pops into mind is: What have I achieved in my life? This question inevitably leads to damaging negative self-talk.

Researchers agree that it has become habitual through societal conditioning to berate one’s self rather than celebrate one’s accomplishments. Bennie Louw, owner of Metaphore Life Coaching is a qualified Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, life coach and certified
hypnotherapist. Louw explains that we are often kept in check by our parents, families and peers who talk us down to the point where we no longer believe there is any potential left in us. Many of these negative remarks end up informing our self-belief systems. These beliefs are further exacerbated by the constant strive for perfection portrayed in the outer world.

What is positive inner reflection?
Inner reflection is not just the simple act of discoveringpast mistakes and making up for these, explains Louw. “The ultimate objective is the development of a more positive self and becoming truly authentic from within you. This inner reflection does not mean that you do not see the flaws; it only means that the way that you look at it changes.”
Louw describes inner reflection as building a bridge between the conscious and unconscious mind, allowing for all the powerful wisdom from within to surface. He uses hypnotherapy as a tool to access these inner resources and break through the limitations of the conscious mind. “You have all the resources you will ever need within and all you need to do is allow yourself to access that part of you. One of the presuppositions of NLP is: ‘There is no such thing as failure, only feedback’. Would that not be a better way to reflect?” asserts Louw.

Practising positive inner reflection
Louw states that the first step to reflect deeper within, is to become more aware of old beliefs and negative self-talk. “Everything starts with a thought, so begin to change your thoughts. Focus on the things that you want in a positive way, moving towards something, rather than just merely away from something bad.” In his practice of hypnotherapy and NLP coaching, Louw uses
the process of visualisation – envisioning the achievement of one’s goals and the thoughts and feelings associated with picturing that successful version of oneself. He provides a simple tool called ‘anchoring’ to encourage positive reflection.
“When you change the way you look at the past, the future will change. Thinking of the past in a different way becomes the key to the future, using the energy of past accomplishments to motivate the now.
· Start by making a list of all the positive events in your life.
· Take note of the inherent needs that were fulfilled in these highlights and list them.
· Now connect with the positive feelings of these events and anchor those strong positive
feelings. Having connected with these positive thoughts you now have a powerful tool to use whenever you need to feel better and to ultimately fulfil your needs,” says Louw.

Remember that whilst some of us may celebrate graduating with top marks from university, others may put down mastering the art of cooking as a stellar achievement. The key is not to belittle anything that you have accomplished. Overcoming any issue perceived as a challenge is a milestone worth celebrating. So go on and bring out the party hats. You’ve certainly done
something amazing.

Case Studies: Women celebrating their lives
Yolanda Mthembu, 26 – Biochemist, UCT
Challenge faced:
For three years, Mthembu was verbally and emotionally abused by a family member. Although she describes herself as a mentally strong person with a sober personality, her greatest life challenge came in learning to forgive that family member.
“Taking the abuse made me appreciate the words I myself use. I had to learn to let go of the bitterness for the sake of my children,” she says.
Lessons learnt:
Through forgiveness, Mthembu has learnt to be true to herself and to cherish her family. Mthembu now lives her life by having a grateful heart. She questions her actions on a multi-generational level by thinking about her children and their future.
Celebrating life:
“Whatever you do, do your best. Enjoy every moment – even if you’re doing simple things like cooking or playing with your children. And, walk in forgiveness for people who’ve hurt you or made mistakes. There’s always room for forgiveness in our hearts.”

Simisha Pather-Elias, 31 - Climate change consultant & executive assistant at Botanical Society of South Africa
Challenge faced:
At age 25 when Pather-Elias was focused on her career ambitions, an unexpected aggressive inflammation attacked her eyes as well as the skin around her body. Doctors could not diagnose the illness but many of the tests suggested that it was life threatening.
Lessons learnt:
Although Pather-Elias is still dealing with the side-effects of the harsh medication that she had to take, as well as developing cataracts in both her eyes, she considers the experience a blessing in disguise. “The experience was a turning point in my life. It’s been a time for deep introspection, re-evaluating all the areas of my life and myself. Although I am still on my journey, I have made peace with many issues and have a more positive outlook on life,” she says.
Celebrating life:
Pather-Elias currently lives her life by five pillars - to share, learn, teach, grow and mostly to love. She feels that it is important to engage more deeply with philosophy and spirituality in order to learn about her purpose in life. “I have learnt not to take anything for granted, especially time. Life is too short to do anything that you don’t want to do or shouldn’t have to do. I have had a mind shift about many things in my life. Simply put, nothing is a burden anymore.”